We in the West have a severe cultural bias toward adults, and particularly toward young adults. As kids, we can't wait to grow up, so we can get all the privileges of adulthood that are denied to younger folks. Children envy adults, not recognizing the responsibility that goes with it; while adults idealize childhood, forgetting about the lack of freedom of the child. Yet, almost all our attention is focused either on our responsibilities as adults (like child-rearing) or on our capabilities and opportunities as adults.
We somehow look on maturity (most often defined as 'retirement') as something to be prepared for, like some sort of final exam. We talk about adulthood in terms full of possibility, referring to the 'prime' of life. We talk about our mature years as 'golden' (shades of the proverbial watch they used to give you at retirement) or our 'senior' years (like having a permanent 'senior moment'). Yes, in our culture, adulthood is where it's all happening. Or is it?
I'll repeat something that I firmly believe: the transition from adulthood to maturity is (or should be) far more significant than the transition from childhood to adulthood. In popular mythology, adulthood is that phase of life where the dreams of youth meet the opportunities of the marketplace. It would seem that adulthood is the land where dreams come true. In fact, though, for the vast majority of people, adulthood reveals itself as the period of life where duty meets disappointment.
The myth, of course, consists in the belief that once you've attained majority (that elusive age of 21), you've 'arrived.' People image that 'now that you're an adult, you can . . . ' (fill in your own favorite experience). Yet, all the baggage that you've picked up throughout childhood encumbers you into adulthood: the belief systems, assumptions about how life and the world works, and supposed obligations accompany you, along with whatever loads of shame and guilt you may have picked up along the way. Have you ever heard the phrase 'duty bound'? That phrase applies so well to the baggage you carry into adulthood: you can't put it down because you're duty bound to carry it as best you can.
The myth of adulthood (that you're free to do whatever you want) gets insulated from the facts by the fables you repeat to yourself. You tell yourself that you're doing very well; that you're really enjoying your career, family, and life; that you're doing about the best anyone could expect; and that you're achieving so much more than so many other people you know. Do these stories sound familiar? Have you ever heard them come from the mouths of authority figures in your life? Whether or not their voices have actually been silenced, the echoes of what they've told you continue on. And, of course, you believe them.
Here's something that perhaps you've never thought of: what if they (the authority figures of your life past and present) are wrong? What if you're not doing the best you could do? What if your happiness is only superficial? What if — and here's the zinger — you're not really doing what you were meant to do? It's never too early or too late to ask yourself these questions. In fact, if you're an adult, they can be the most important questions you'll ever face in your life: are you living your truth, or are you stuck in a myth?
H. Les Brown, MA, FCC
Copyright © 2008 H. Les Brown
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